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The Reflection Series: Day 1

So, I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with my blog these days. And I decided that something I wanna do is a series of reflections. Each day, I will just talk about something that is on my mind. The writing may not be perfect, but that’s not the point. I hope that you enjoy reading these posts. They may be a bit sad, they may be ponderous, they may be happy, or even angry; the possibilities are endless. This is also the first OFFICIAL post on my new and improved blog: JAYLAND!

So, I am having a day where I am missing someone very much. It’s weird, because we weren’t together super long, or even, technically, together at all. Talking, I guess is the term, or “seeing” each other I suppose. But, there was just something there. It was really nice and I just miss that. You know when you just feel really secure with someone? You just really trust them and you don’t even have to worry about it. That’s what it was I think. It was simple and easy. It never really felt like I had to try. I’m not saying that I was ready for marriage, or even a boyfriend, but like shit was real and I am a person who when I open myself up, I really open up. I guess that’s a blessing and a curse. I end up hurting more in the end, but damn if it isn’t worth it while you’re in it. Idk, this feels really different.

It’s not that I feel I was “in love”, that just feels too farfetched for the feelings that I had. But, I did do really care about this person. And I’m just missing that closeness. Missing cuddling up when I felt insecure or just felt like being close. I miss holding hands and just kind of knowing that the other person was there. I just miss all of it. Its hard, when you feel like something was kind of cut short by life’s circumstances. When you feel like even though you feel like you understand how you feel, you still have no CTRL control over how anything happens. And I understand, honestly neither of us were in a place, ya know? But, that doesn’t change the fact that I am missing someone. They know who they are, and I hope they know that I love them and care for them as a dear friend, but all the same… I miss you. And I’m not sorry for it.

Jaybo