loveyourself

The Reflection Series: Installment 2

So, today is a day where I’m kinda low. It happened sometimes, there doesn’t need to be a reason necessarily or, it’s a cruel combination of many things. Today is the latter. I’m just having a lot of complicated feelings and emotions. I feel like I’m at arms length from someone I really care about, mostly because they’re afraid of hurting/losing me, by I don’t think they realize that that is exactly what they’re doing now. I feel really unfulfilled. I feel like I am not reaching my creative potential, or like I’m doing enough. I’m just feeling really blah about work and life in general. And of course there’s other, smaller things that contribute as well.

Really, I’m feeling a tad lonely today. And not that, no one is around, type of loneliness, I just feel alone in my own little world today. Andi feel like there’s no one for me to grab onto. Again, the one person I want to, is being really distant at times, and then not at others. But, that’s not the point, the point is I’m having a low swing and they happen.

Something I’m trying to start doing, is not hold my emotions so close to me. What I mean by that is, I won’t not feel how I feel, to make others feel better, or to pretend that everything is okay when it is not. I’ve learned that, that puts a huge strain on my mental health. So, I’ve learned to feel those feelings, but to also not let them completely ruin my day. It’s okay to feel down or depressed sometimes. It happens, but what you can’t let it do is derail your life. So, find an outlet and a therapist, and get to figuring out how to cope with those emotions.

Today, I honestly feel crappy. I just feel really blah and really numb to a lot. But, I know that things could be worse, and that things will get better. Just remember that your feelings and emotions are valid. They are not a bother or some sort of awful thing to have to hide. You are allowed to feel the way you feel. And never let anybody tell you differently. Love yourself, and that starts with loving your mind and spirit.

You’re valid and you’re enough.

J 💙

Yes, you can be fat and queer and attractive!

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“Fat & Gay”: One Man Struggles For Acceptance In A Post-Grindr World

That’s the title of a post from NewNowNext, the biggest queer media outlet. I thought this was interesting, because I have dealt with this issue as well, especially as I have gotten older and the rose tinted glasses were lifted. Honestly, the word fat is still a bit triggering, but I’m learning to not put so much weight (Ha!) behind it. I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be negative or make me feel negatively about myself.

But. watching this video just once again reaffirmed the fact, that you don’t have to have the ‘perfect body’. Why? Because it doesn’t exist. Even people who we deem having perfect bodies find flaws everyday. Just because you have some extra meat on your bones doesn’t mean you are not attractive or that no one wants you. Unfortunately, in the day community, that is really hard to grasp, because, like Martjin in the video, we have all been attacked if we’re gay men of girth. So, what, I have moobs and a belly. I can still be confident and sexy, why? Because I freaking love myself. Listen, the one bit of advice in this video that I don’t agree with is the chasers thing. A person does not have to be a chaser to be attracted to you if you are chubby.

What happened to personality or how kind someone was. Even how well someone dresses. We don’t even look at people’s faces anymore. It is all about abs and pecs. But, that is not all there is. There’s someone (several people) out there for all of us. We just have to find the person who sees past all the shallow bull of the community and get to know you and your body. You are beautiful. We are all beautiful. I truly believe that. God made us all beautiful creatures. Just believe in yourself. Now, get out there and go ask that hot guy out! You never know what might happen if you are confident!

Hope you enjoy, check out the video above and like NewNowNext for more stuff like it and other queer stories.

Live to laugh another day!

TSWPA