life

The Reflection Series: Installment 2

So, today is a day where I’m kinda low. It happened sometimes, there doesn’t need to be a reason necessarily or, it’s a cruel combination of many things. Today is the latter. I’m just having a lot of complicated feelings and emotions. I feel like I’m at arms length from someone I really care about, mostly because they’re afraid of hurting/losing me, by I don’t think they realize that that is exactly what they’re doing now. I feel really unfulfilled. I feel like I am not reaching my creative potential, or like I’m doing enough. I’m just feeling really blah about work and life in general. And of course there’s other, smaller things that contribute as well.

Really, I’m feeling a tad lonely today. And not that, no one is around, type of loneliness, I just feel alone in my own little world today. Andi feel like there’s no one for me to grab onto. Again, the one person I want to, is being really distant at times, and then not at others. But, that’s not the point, the point is I’m having a low swing and they happen.

Something I’m trying to start doing, is not hold my emotions so close to me. What I mean by that is, I won’t not feel how I feel, to make others feel better, or to pretend that everything is okay when it is not. I’ve learned that, that puts a huge strain on my mental health. So, I’ve learned to feel those feelings, but to also not let them completely ruin my day. It’s okay to feel down or depressed sometimes. It happens, but what you can’t let it do is derail your life. So, find an outlet and a therapist, and get to figuring out how to cope with those emotions.

Today, I honestly feel crappy. I just feel really blah and really numb to a lot. But, I know that things could be worse, and that things will get better. Just remember that your feelings and emotions are valid. They are not a bother or some sort of awful thing to have to hide. You are allowed to feel the way you feel. And never let anybody tell you differently. Love yourself, and that starts with loving your mind and spirit.

You’re valid and you’re enough.

J 💙

This blog thing…

So, I think I’ve finally sort of figured out my process and my structure to this thing that I’m attempting to do. To be honest, I’m still not fully sure what it is. But, I think that’s okay. I have an idea and I’m gonna see it through to the end. As long as I’m being true to myself, I’ll be happy with whatever it becomes! You’ll be hearing from me soon! 

Check out my Tumblr for daily blurbs, inspirational quotes, and things that inspire me that I hope may inspire you too. Also, see all the shit I geek out over. 

Live to laugh another day, 

Jaybo  

My Extreme Case of Block

Hey there, readers!

So, I haven’t really posted here in a while, which really sucks, I really like writing on this blog. But, lately, I just haven’t been able to find the inspiration to write. I’m not sure what it is. I have so much that I want to say and that I want to talk about, but when I sit down to actually write, I lose all of my words and ideas.

It could be because I’ve been having a spiritual battle of sorts with myself. I think that I’m starting to really find my purpose in the world, and what I’m doing with this blog; but there is still some uncertainty there that I think keeps hindering me. I need to revisit the goal I want to accomplish with this page and all of my pages overall.

I hope to soon be back here. There is so much that I want to say and, by god, I’m gonna say it!

Thank you for following me and thank you for sticking with me!

Live to sing another day!

Jaybo

Happy 2017!!

Ding Dong! The witch is dead!!! 

And that witch is the year 2016! 2016 was a really tough year, a lot of crazy shit went down. But, I will say that I experienced A LOT of personal growth! So, in 2017 I wanna experience even more. I’ve adopted the phrase “New year, improved me”. Because I’m not becoming a new person, I’m just moving closer to who I am in the grand scheme! I encourage you all to go on a similar journey this year! It’s a journey of love and discovery. You’ll learn so much you didn’t know and things you already knew will be solidified! 

Thank you all for reading and following this blog in 2016, I hope you continue to follow me into 2017 more fearless, because I am definitely more fearless! 

Be looking out for some new material, and a Webseries I’m working on with my really good friend “2 for the tea!” And I’ll be expanding my own youtube channel. And my brand. Remember find your aesthetic and represent it always! 

Live to sing another day,

Jaybo (the somewhat peckish artist) 

Lost in Oz

Hey, everyone! It’s been a little bit since the last time I posted something. Which is a shame because I really love posting here, it’s one of the highlights of my life. But, I just get so busy on a project and I just cannot find the time or energy for anything! And with that I’ve come to a crippling conclusion…I’ve been SLACKING! DUN DUN DUN  (Cue:random terrifying screams and cheesy Scooby-Doo thriller music.)

Yeah, and it gotten bad. Like, I had such a good groove going before I went to Buffalo, I went there and things were good, and I came back with a mind to keep going in the right direction and somewhere I got too swept up in my ideas of how to better my life and myself, that it just created this funnel cloud that I was trapped in. It truly felt like I was in a different world. As, I mentioned in the title it was like being lost in a strange alternate universe, like Oz. 

Oz has been in my head because of Todrick Hall’s new musical/visual album, Straight Outta Oz. There will be a whole other blog post about that. (May be my first vlog! We’ll see what happens.) Anyway, it’s my everything, right now! It’s such a beautiful work of art about his life and road to success, I’ll leave a link for you to check it out. 

But, like Todrick, I find that life can indeed seem like foreign territory. A place that’s hard to navigate, where you just feel lost and confused. It’s taken me awhile to realize I lost myself, I had let all of my insecurities and assumptions of where I should be and what I should be doing cloud my focus, and because of that, I was blown off the path. But, do to some recent reflection and prayer (another blog forthcoming), I am starting to find my way back. I began to realize I got caught up in the idea of what success should look like. And in every aspect, career, fitness, social, and even love. I was trying to measure myself based of of everyone else. And I almost missed my blessing,  I was walking around not realizing that everything I wanted, I had, have , is in me. Like Dorothy, I was shown my true potential, and I found comfort in that. 

The reason I felt the need to talk about this, is because if I can help one other person realize that they have to look to themselves to accomplish everything they want. You don’t want your blessing, or your opportunity to pass by. Work on yourself, FOR YOURSELF! Don’t work on yourself because your trying to catch up to someone else or comparing yourself to someone else, and going after what they have. You willl have your own and it’ll come in due time. The more you realize this, the easier it is to stay on course and to not get too swept up in the madness. And if you find yourself in this place, remember you have everything you need. You just have to stay focused on you and where you are headed. 

I hope this was interesting or helpful in some way! It took me a bit to formulate this post and it was just something I wanted to say. We have a show soon, hope to hear from you guys! 

Live to laugh another day!

Jalen, the Peckish artist. 

Dating while black.

Hello everyone!
Hope you are all having a great Sunday!

So, this has been something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. And it’s mostly something that I think is more a problem in the south. Dating and being black is kinda hard. Now, no this not some “systemic racism exists posts”, it is just that literally when you’re a gay black male in the south it can be hard. Let me tell you why. When you’re on an app like Growlr for example, sometimes the fact that you are a black male is grounds for someone to immediately ignore you.  Now, I get it a lot of black men have approached me in very unsavory ways and I am black, but also so have guys of every ethnicity. It happens in public a lot too. I’ll be checking a guy put of flirting and of course, he’ll be more interested in my white friend. And I don’t get it. The fact that I am black shouldn’t make me unattractive. That’s just dumb. But, on the other end of this, my fellow black gays…stop approaching people like they are prostitutes or escorts. I can’t count how many times I’ve been sent a message like, “aye what’s gud, u lookin thik af, let me see dat ass.” Like not even a hello or how are you. Now granted a lot of these apps and things people use for hookups, however at least prove you’re a civil person. Also, don’t type like that. We have such a reputation for being uneducated and not as smart, so speak like you have some sense. Which could very well be a part of the problem. However, that doesn’t mean you generalise all of us. Just like I don’t generalise all Hispanic people, or Asian people. Just because we may have a skin color in common doesn’t mean we’re all the same. And we’re gay, we’re already both men, the only way to change it up, is maybe date another race, I date men of all colors and sizes. Open up your world! It would be boring if we all dated a doppelganger that looked and acted exactly like us. Our community is represented by a rainbow flag after all. So, get out there and experience the rainbow! Don’t shut out an entire race of people because of stereotypes and generalizations!

That’s a subject I’ve been wanting to talk about for awhile. For my straight male counterparts and even my female counterparts, straight and gay, do you experience this as well? Also, people who aren’t from the south, is this also a problem for you? What do you think? I wanna hear from people! Hope to hear from you all!

Live to sing another day,
The Peckish artist
Jalen

BIG Praise for A BIG model!!

o-ZACH-MIKO-facebook

Hello there everyone! I say that, but at this point not many people are reading this. Oh, well hopefully more readers will come!

So, as we all know, IMG Modeling Agency just signed their first, as they out it, Brawn model. In simpler terms they just hired their first ever plus size MALE model!!! As someone who has always been on the stockier or chubbier side, I for one am super excited. Now I’m sure some people may be wondering what the big deal is. Chubby and larger men have been in the media for a while. And yes, while that is true, this is the first time that there has ever been a large man associated with the Mainstream fashion industry!

Here’s why this is so important. Did you know that at least 20% of straight men and %25 percent of gay men worry about their body image? Now for women this number is much larger and we hear and read about it in the media all the time because of that. But, what about those men who have eating disorders or spend most of their time in the gym to live up to this Hollywood dream man; with bulging pecs, rippling arms, and washboard six-pack abs. Yes, men are sexualized and have these body expectations as well. Not as often as women, but I think it’s still an important topic to discuss. I think that Zach Miko is what we need to break the ice of that discussion on many levels.

Let’s take a look at him. He’s reportedly about 6 feet 6 inches tall and has a 40-inch waist! He is quite the tall drink of water! And I mean look at him! He’s a gorgeous, what we would call in the gay world a bear. If you need an explanation, look at Zach, he’s all you need. I think this will do wonders for the gay male community as well. Although it’s been better, there is still this standard of beauty in the gay community that can be so hard to achieve. But, Zach is proving that you can be a big guy and still cause thirst.

I guess in conclusion, Zach Miko is exactly what we need in the fashion industry for men. I’ve always been attracted to big guys like him, but I think it’s time for the world to see that anyone of any size can be attractive. Not to mention the fact that the fashion industry is attempting to keep up with the world and where we’re headed. So let’s all celebrate our bodies! Let’s be happy. let’s be healthy, and let’s all celebrate our different shapes together. Body positivity isn’t just for women guys, jump on the bandwagon; everyone is doing it!

Thank you for reading!

Live to sing another day,

Jalen

 

Flip It And Reverse It: The Joys Of Being Versatile In Bed / Queerty

http://www.queerty.com/flip-it-and-reverse-it-the-joys-of-being-versatile-in-bed-20150303?utm_content=bufferb05c6&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

This article was a really good explanation on why I like being versatile. Like it’s fine to only want to top or bottom, but I just feel more free sexually. Plus, hooking up with other versatile guys is the best. Lol. I guess this would go under the TMI corner.