Long time, no type: Once more with feeling

Hello Readers! (If I still have any…lol)

I haven’t used this thing in awhile, and about week or so ago, I realized “Fuck, I’m paying for this”, so I decided its time to jump back in! Gonna be honest, I’m not sure what exactly this is gonna be yet. I know that I do wanna share myself, and write about relevant things in the world, that interest me. Life has changed for me quite a bit since the last time I wrote here. I know that I wanna be a voice. And I wanna use that voice to the best of my ability. We will see what comes of it.

I plan on travelling a bit more, so I will talk about that here. As well as my experiences in the theatre. Just bear with me as pick this journey back up. I want you guys on the ride with me and I want feedback. What should talk about? Is there a topic you think I should write on? Would you be interested in other media content? (YouTube, podcast, etc) I really wanna build something here!

Alright, it won’t be this long before you hear from me again! I’m ready and I have a hunger for this now! Till next time!

Jaybo’s Body Truth!Β 

Hi readers and truth seekers! One of the things I do believe in is body positivity. The media makes su think our bodies should look a certain way if we are to be taken serious; I disagree. I think that we are all beautiful and we all have the bodies we have so why not celebrate and take care of them? That’s one reason I’ve started a new project: Jaybo’s Body Truth. You can see my first Instagram post here. Please follow and check it out. It’ll be a personal journey, that I’ll be sharing, hoping to move others into celebrating their bodies!  

I’ll be back with some more interesting stuff, until them I hope you guys lead fabulous lives. 

Live to laugh one more day, 


Happy 2017!!

Ding Dong! The witch is dead!!! 

And that witch is the year 2016! 2016 was a really tough year, a lot of crazy shit went down. But, I will say that I experienced A LOT of personal growth! So, in 2017 I wanna experience even more. I’ve adopted the phrase “New year, improved me”. Because I’m not becoming a new person, I’m just moving closer to who I am in the grand scheme! I encourage you all to go on a similar journey this year! It’s a journey of love and discovery. You’ll learn so much you didn’t know and things you already knew will be solidified! 

Thank you all for reading and following this blog in 2016, I hope you continue to follow me into 2017 more fearless, because I am definitely more fearless! 

Be looking out for some new material, and a Webseries I’m working on with my really good friend “2 for the tea!” And I’ll be expanding my own youtube channel. And my brand. Remember find your aesthetic and represent it always! 

Live to sing another day,

Jaybo (the somewhat peckish artist) 

Happy National Coming Out Day. My story.Β 

So, I’ve been meaning to post this all day, but the combination of recovering from mycoplasma (walking pneumonia) and getting caught in unintentional marathon of Top Model, is how I got here. I’m laying here in my bed typing this on my phone. Nonetheless, it’s National Coming out day and that is something to be celebrated. It should be celebrated by those of us that are out and proud and by those of us who either in the process or just not ready yet; you’ve at least come out to yourself or some friends. 

A lot of people today have been sharing their “coming out” stories on Facebook and other social media sites. I don’t ever do this for a reason and it’s time to come clean. Technically, I never really came out. Now, I don’t deny who I am and if you were to ask me I’d tell you. I don’t hide it and everyone close to me and even people who are close to me know it. I’m very proud of who I am. I’m Gay! And would consider myself a part of the bear gay community, in which I want to be a stronger presence in. But, I never really truly came out…okay maybe that’s not completely true. 

I discovered my attraction toward other boys in middle school. I was awkward chubby and still looked like a little baby. But, I had a huge crush in eighth grade that solidified it. If he ever reads this, he’ll be so embarrassed, I don’t think I ever told him. His name was Garrett H. He was probably the manlinest guy in eight grade. He already had a lot of body hair (I had gym with him), and a little stubble. He was husky, had medium length “skater hair”and the most piercing green eyes. We were really good friends an that was it. I mean he wasn’t the only I found attractive, but he was my first real crush. 

I told my close group of friends and they were all pretty cool with it. They knew and accepted me, I took it. Then came high school. High school got a little more awkward, because by then I was in the throes of puberty, and it was really hard…not in that way. But, it was hard to not pay attention to my urges. After Garrett, I thought it was just a kind of phase or once in a lifetime thing. But, high school was different, I couldn’t deny it. I was gay. This big football player named Andrew with red hair and giant biceps proved that to me. Also, that’s where I developed my attraction for large red headed men. Luckily for me all of my friends from middle school went to high school with me and we stay very close, I also met another group of very open minded students, a lot of which were in ROTC, oddly enough. But, that’s where I met my second crush and first boyfriend, Rafael. We dated for a week. Then there was Kevin, who I really cared about and still do to this day. Then there was Dakota…I think one of the two men I think I was actually IN love with. He was so  charming yet, such a douche bag. Tall, blond, and stocky. A dream. A dream I never actually won. By this point, I was pretty much fully put at school. And I was mostly unbothered. And then it came to my family. 

Now, they couldn’t have been surprised. I had been performing songs by female performers all my life, I used to where my grandma’s heels and play Sailor Moon  and act out Annie, which was my favorite musical for a while. My grandmother raised me, and she probably always knew. But, me coming home and having such close relationships with other guys kinda tipped the scale. She always knew, even one time, I had a friend over to stay the night, we used to spend the night at eachother’s houses all the time, she asked me if we were sleeping together. We weren’t, but I think that was her way of telling me. And that was how that happened. No fireworks, no big sweeping statements. Just that and I kinda slid out. So, I didn’t hide it when J, that’s what we’ll call him, he was the one I kinda let slip through my fingertips, but at that time he was too afraid of a relationship. Which is a shame, because we could’ve been very good together. But, I wouldn’t hide the fact that J would come over to watch a movie Nad cuddle on my couch. Even walking in on us making out a couple times. I had gay friends and I had a host of fabulous female friends. I was out, but I did explode out, I slid. 

To this day it’s still not something I talk to my mother and step father about. My mom found out about Kevin, we were in a pretty serious relationship, as serious as you can be in high school. She called and confronted me on the phone. She asked me and I panicked and said she didn’t need to worry about it. But, she’s not dumb she’s a mom and although she didn’t necessarily raise me (my grandmother did as stated above) she knew. She knows. It’s my step father that worries me the most. He had a bad reaction when I started doing musical theatre and realized you had to wear make up on stage. He’s so stuck in his black masculinity, that I know he would fall into that and get offended, and worry about what everyone else thinks. I’m also afraid that it’s trickled down to my brothers. I mean it is very obvious, I always have “very close” male friends and throughout high school and college I’ve never brought a girl or anyone home really. I’m sure my sister knows and she seems cool with it. It’s not that I don’t want them to know or care, but they are also very religious ( sometimes) and I just want to keep my relationship with my siblings and even my mom somewhat intact. So, that’s why I say I slid out, everyone knows, and I’m not ashamed. 
I guess I really have no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed, people come out in different ways. I’ve never really told that to anyone though. I guess because I am so open, especially now as an adult, and I have no shame in who I am or what I do, that it feels embarrassing. I have to get over that, which is why I’m sharing it here. 

I know that was long, but I hope you read it and enjoy it. After all this blog is called The Aesthetic. And as I mention that’s a true outward expression. So, I’m being open and honest. I hope maybe it’ll help other in a similar situation, especially my black lgbt brothers and sitsters. 

I wanna hear from you guys now! Tell me about your coming out or a story about a difficult coming out, really share with me. You can submit it to me or you can just leave a comment! Thanks for reading. 

Live to laugh another day!

Jaybo, the somewhat Peckish artist.

UPDATE: Luke Evans Comes Out Of The Closet. Again. Sort Of. / Queerty

This is a bit troubling. I had known idea that Luke Evans was even gay. My first experience of the actor was in the short lived West-End production of RENT Remixed, which I have my feelings about…πŸ˜’ *shade*. But, with his new film The Girl on the Train coming out, this article resurfaced. Now, he’s obviously very attractive and he’s really good at what he does, but does all of that excuse him from this kinda thing? The idea of being an “action star” is so steeped in heteronormativity, and what for? Gay men can be just as masculine as straight men. Luke Evans can do whatever he wants it’s his life, but what about the rest of us, what about they boy who knows he’s different, but still wants to be like James Bond or super man. Step up Luke, don’t be ashamed of who you are! You’re just as hot and action-y as any straight man! What do you guys think? I wanna hear from you! Leave a comment or message me! 

Live to laugh another day!



Yes, you can be fat and queer and attractive!


β€œFat & Gay”: One Man Struggles For Acceptance In A Post-Grindr World

That’s the title of a post from NewNowNext, the biggest queer media outlet. I thought this was interesting, because I have dealt with this issue as well, especially as I have gotten older and the rose tinted glasses were lifted. Honestly, the word fat is still a bit triggering, but I’m learning to not put so much weight (Ha!) behind it. I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be negative or make me feel negatively about myself.

But. watching this video just once again reaffirmed the fact, that you don’t have to have the ‘perfect body’. Why? Because it doesn’t exist. Even people who we deem having perfect bodies find flaws everyday. Just because you have some extra meat on your bones doesn’t mean you are not attractive or that no one wants you. Unfortunately, in the day community, that is really hard to grasp, because, like Martjin in the video, we have all been attacked if we’re gay men of girth. So, what, I have moobs and a belly. I can still be confident and sexy, why? Because I freaking love myself. Listen, the one bit of advice in this video that I don’t agree with is the chasers thing. A person does not have to be a chaser to be attracted to you if you are chubby.

What happened to personality or how kind someone was. Even how well someone dresses. We don’t even look at people’s faces anymore. It is all about abs and pecs. But, that is not all there is. There’s someone (several people) out there for all of us. We just have to find the person who sees past all the shallow bull of the community and get to know you and your body. You are beautiful. We are all beautiful. I truly believe that. God made us all beautiful creatures. Just believe in yourself. Now, get out there and go ask that hot guy out! You never know what might happen if you are confident!

Hope you enjoy, check out the video above and like NewNowNext for more stuff like it and other queer stories.

Live to laugh another day!


Motivation/Man Crush Monday: Ryan Shea

Hey everyone!

So, I realize this is a day late, but give me a break I’ve been dealing with a stomach virus. But this week I decided that I would combine something I wanna start called “Motivation Monday” and “Man Crush Monday” (#mcm).

This week’s “Motivation/Man Crush Monday” goes out to a man that I discovered a year or so ago on the internet through his site Manhattan Digest. This is one of my favorite sites, mostly because of its inclusiveness of the bear community and the very interesting articles and interviews the creator does. And speaking of the creator…

Here is Ryan Shea!


Now, not only is he a pretty handsome bear of a man, but the guy is so incredibly ambitious and go getting! I mean come on, what isn’t sexy about a man who is ambitious and business savvy? Plus, he’s a CEO! I follow him on social media, and something that I love about him is that he’s always encouraging others to accomplish their goals and dreams.

He went out there and built his dream HIMSELF! That in itself is enough to motivate me to get out there and make my dreams come true. He’s also not afraid to share his life experiences and talk about how they shaped him and kept him going. He’s all about body positivity and is very open about being comfortable with his body. One of my favorite articles by him is I’m Fat And (Probably) Get More Than You. Here’s Why. Definitely check that out!  He is a very interesting guy and I hope someaday I get to meet him and maybe even write him πŸ˜‰

I do not know about that last part, but if you have the time you should definitely check out his site and maybe find him on Social Media. Also, he’s on Growlr, but, you’ll have to find him on there yourself.

Hope you guys enjoy this little read!

Live to laugh another day!



21 Dinners You Only Need 20 Minutes To Make

I love food and I love cooking. And since this whole stomach thing doesn’t seem to be going away just yet, I can only look at and think about real food, (or food that I want, anyway) so here is this link. I also really love Buzzfeed! I have a dream of working for them some day! We’ll see if that ever happens. But anyway! Enjoy these recipes. I may try a few this week, if my stomach ever returns to normal. 

Live to sing another day!

Jaybo (theMTcub)

Lost in Oz

Hey, everyone! It’s been a little bit since the last time I posted something. Which is a shame because I really love posting here, it’s one of the highlights of my life. But, I just get so busy on a project and I just cannot find the time or energy for anything! And with that I’ve come to a crippling conclusion…I’ve been SLACKING! DUN DUN DUN  (Cue:random terrifying screams and cheesy Scooby-Doo thriller music.)

Yeah, and it gotten bad. Like, I had such a good groove going before I went to Buffalo, I went there and things were good, and I came back with a mind to keep going in the right direction and somewhere I got too swept up in my ideas of how to better my life and myself, that it just created this funnel cloud that I was trapped in. It truly felt like I was in a different world. As, I mentioned in the title it was like being lost in a strange alternate universe, like Oz. 

Oz has been in my head because of Todrick Hall’s new musical/visual album, Straight Outta Oz. There will be a whole other blog post about that. (May be my first vlog! We’ll see what happens.) Anyway, it’s my everything, right now! It’s such a beautiful work of art about his life and road to success, I’ll leave a link for you to check it out. 

But, like Todrick, I find that life can indeed seem like foreign territory. A place that’s hard to navigate, where you just feel lost and confused. It’s taken me awhile to realize I lost myself, I had let all of my insecurities and assumptions of where I should be and what I should be doing cloud my focus, and because of that, I was blown off the path. But, do to some recent reflection and prayer (another blog forthcoming), I am starting to find my way back. I began to realize I got caught up in the idea of what success should look like. And in every aspect, career, fitness, social, and even love. I was trying to measure myself based of of everyone else. And I almost missed my blessing,  I was walking around not realizing that everything I wanted, I had, have , is in me. Like Dorothy, I was shown my true potential, and I found comfort in that. 

The reason I felt the need to talk about this, is because if I can help one other person realize that they have to look to themselves to accomplish everything they want. You don’t want your blessing, or your opportunity to pass by. Work on yourself, FOR YOURSELF! Don’t work on yourself because your trying to catch up to someone else or comparing yourself to someone else, and going after what they have. You willl have your own and it’ll come in due time. The more you realize this, the easier it is to stay on course and to not get too swept up in the madness. And if you find yourself in this place, remember you have everything you need. You just have to stay focused on you and where you are headed. 

I hope this was interesting or helpful in some way! It took me a bit to formulate this post and it was just something I wanted to say. We have a show soon, hope to hear from you guys! 

Live to laugh another day!

Jalen, the Peckish artist.